Are you listening to me?

How often have you been asked this question? If you are one of those few naturals who always manage to dedicate their full attention to what someone else is saying – congratulations, you have my deepest admiration! Then you can skip this posting

It’s a matter of fact: People are usually poor listeners, even when they think they are the exact opposite. Often it’s not even a matter of “not wanting to”, it’s just we’re so busy rushing, taking care of the hundreds of things we need to get done everyday.

Here’s the good news

Listening can be trained. Everyone can learn how to listen better and more actively. However, it’s a matter of how important you really find it to learn it…

What are the benefits of REALLY listening?

By listening deeply and actively you can experience so many positive things, here are just a few ones:

• You can understand situations and people better
• You can enhance your relationship with people
• You can consistently lower the numbers of discussions and even fights
• You can start living a more balanced and even healthier life
• and much more!

How can we learn to listen?

In order to listen better and actively, we need to:

• be ready to put the other person first
• be ready to allocate enough quiet time for the talk
• be ready to dedicate our full attention to the person we are talking with
• be ready to put our own thoughts, prejudice, judgement aside
• be ready to grow – because this is one of the benefits I did not mention above

So, are you ready to listen?

Starting your own business

This is a comment I recently wrote in the Global Business Women group on Xing, the online business networking forum, replying to a lady who was considering starting her own business. I was so surprised to receive several private messages saying how helpful that was! Fellow coach Trina Roach even included it into her own blog. So I guess it’s good to share it with you here as well

- Take time to identify your passions as well as what is important to you in your life
- Take time to be clear about what you expect from starting your own business
- Take time to identify your strenghts, your skills, what motivates you
- Take time to identify what you do not like
- Take time to identitfy your weaknesses and the obstacles you tend to set yourself
- Take time to decide who you would like to work with and WHY

- Take time to find out what type of business would really suit you, considering all of the above
- Take time to identify who will support you emotionally, and to be kind to them : )

- Take time to identify what tools you need to learn and master
- Take time to choose who will support you starting & running your business (a lawyer, a coach, etc.)

- Take time to identify your resources
- Take time to define a strategy and set up an action plan
- Take time to write a marketing plan (so many new ideas can unfold!)
- Take time to write a business plan – be very aware of your finances

- Take time to identify the best places for you to network
- Take time to network in any place you love, even if it’s not related with business!
- Take time for the people in your growing network

- Take time to decide what you want to focus on in your daily work
- Take time to delegate those tasks that you don’t like and that drain your energy and time
- Take time to celebrate your successes, and to remember them in those times things do not go as you wish!
- Take time for the things and people you love, including yourself: Work is not everything, and if you feel balanced you will have more energy at work as well.

Did I mention to take time? Even if you have great ideas and you would love to implement them at once, take your time to plan each step carefully.
Starting an own business is a wonderful adventure, with continuous ups & downs and nice & bad surprises as you go. If you get ready properly, you will still experience them, but the journey will be smoother!

Whatever you do, enjoy it!

Let’s celebrate our little successes!

How often does someone let you know that they see how great you truly are? How often do you acknowledge someone for the things theiy did well?

And how often do you look at what you achieved and take time to celebrate?

May I invite you?

Today I would like to invite you to look at something you did well during the past week. What difficult situation did you manage to handle in a positive way? How did you manage to cheer someone up, maybe simply by greeting them with a smile? Did you finally put some order on your desk after months? Take just a minute, and among them many good things you did each day recently, choose the one you’re most happy about.

Can’t you find anything you did right? So, where did you fail? How could you do it better next time? What can you learn from your mistakes?

Now THIS is a reasons for celebrating as well!

And now let’s celebrate!

Why should we always wait for an anniversary or for some really big event to celebrate? Wouldn’t it just be nice to celebrate our little successes? How would you feel by honouring your little achievements?

It could be buying a beautiful flower just for yourself.

Or sitting on the veranda enjoying a nice dessert.

Or taking a trip to your favourite place.

Set up your celebration list

To make it easier for the future, just take a few minutes to write down a list of things that you enjoy and that make you feel good. You could even think about taking a habit to look at 1 thing you did well each day and celebrate every night Why not?

I wish you a great day!

What are you ready to give up?

What are you wearing today? Probably something you picked this morning as you got up. The entire day we have the possibility to choose, be it our clothes, what we drink and eat, what we do with our time. Choosing one thing automatically means we cannot have the other thing. Or try wearing two different pair of shoes at the same time : )

Some choices are more difficult than others. We may say: “I’d love to have some more time for myself!”. And there we are, deciding to stay in the office until late because we want to finish that project. And tomorrow it will be the same, again and again.

So the question arises: “Do you REALLY want to find more time for yourself?”. Is it just a nice thought or is it something you’re committed to?

Why is it so difficult to commit to something? Because it means giving up something else. So going home early today means that I’m committed to putting my well-being first for one time, and that I’m ready to give up finishing my project tonight.

Next time you find yourself thinking or saying: “I’d love to do that!”, ask yourself these questions:

• “How important is it to me to do that?”
• “What is the benefit I get from taking the time to do that?”
• “What am I ready to give up for one time / regularly / forever in order to do what I love?”

And if it feels right, just do it!

Do you have a rich-person’s mind?

How often do you find yourself saying things like “I can’t afford it” or “The economy is so bad” or “If only he/she/that would change, then…” ? Similar thoughts and talks leave a person drained, with no real perspective and with a feeling of impotence and failure.

So what’s the difference between a person who keeps struggling with their work and getting to the end of the month,and a person who lives in abundance and prospers even when times are hard for them?

Vered Neta, a charismatic trainer, author, and co-founder of Open Circles Academy in Amsterdam explained these differences during a great workshop at PWA Professional Women Association in Milan a few days ago.

Difference No. 1:

• Rich people believe: “I CREATE MY LIFE”
• Poor people believe: “LIFE HAPPENS TO ME”

Rich people feel in charge of their lives, whereas poor people see themselves as victims, love blaming others, complaining and justifying themselves.

Difference No. 2:

• Rich people play the money game TO WIN
• Poor people play the money game NOT TO LOSE

Rich people have a vision to win, whereas poor people play for survival on the defense.

Difference No. 3:

• Rich people focus on OPPORTUNITIES
• Poor people focus on RISKS and WHATEVER IS MISSING or FAULTY

How many times have you missed an opportunity because of fear, because something was missing, etc?

Difference No. 4:

• Rich people THINK BIG
• Poor people THINK SMALL

We all have a money and success blueprint already ingrained in our subconscious. However, it is possible to create a change by first of all shifting our perspective. By changing our way of thinking, endless new opportunities unfold, helping us achieve what we thought was impossible!

The power of feedback

You’re ready to go out tonight and your partner comes up to you asking: “What do you think? Do I look alright?”.

Now, the answer can mean the difference between a wonderful night and a total disaster : )

What’s your partner really asking for? Your opinion or a feedback? What do you want to give? Your opinion or a feedback?

Well, you could say “You look gorgeous!”, or “You look o.k.”, or “I think you look awful!”, or “That shirt is soo ugly…”.

• This is your opinion: It’s all about YOU and your own ideas, values and goals.

Now, what could an effective feedback sound like, instead? You could say like “Considering we’re going to the disco, that suit looks quite serious. Is this the way you would like to look tonight? If so, then it’s perfect, otherwise you may want to wear something more stylish or casual”. This is a long reply, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s just to express the concept:

• This is effective feedback: It’s all about THE OTHER PERSON’S ideas, goals and values.

If you know that your partner’s goal and desire for tonight is to look “serious”, by giving your feedback you can either confirm that that’s exactly the impression he or she is giving, or you can help him/her get closer to his/her goal.

“Opinion attacks. Feedback attracts”. What do you think about this? Are you capable of giving effective feedback? When I realized the difference between them I thought this is so powerful!

• It can mean the difference between a conflictual and an empowering, thriving relationship

It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth trying! Try observing yourself next time someone asks you “What do you think?”.

Are dreams unprofessional?

“You’re a dreamer”, “Keep on dreaming!”. Dreamers have their head in the clouds and dream while real life and real business run at a fast pace without them. Dreamers never achieve anything right in their life. Would you ever say that your company’s tough CEO is a dreamer? How funny that sounds!

What about replacing the word “Dream” by the word “Vision”? Ever heard about a charismatic leader having a strong and clear vision? Or simply about a company’s vision in their website? Some people had this clear picture in front of them, something very specific they really wanted to achieve with all their strength! Well, this does sound more professional… I may even risk saying that it could be ok having a dream if you call it a vision!

“I have a dream!”. What is a dream actually? A dream is something I would love to achieve or get. And what is a vision? A vision is a clear picture of something or of a situation that I see in front of me as if it were real. What is reality? Reality is what I perceive as “the actual state of things that exist”. When does a dream become a vision? And when does a vision become reality?

Most of you have probably heard of someone who dreamt of becoming a lawyer, or a painter, or a successful entrepreneur. And some of them managed.

The people who manage to turn their dreams into reality are the ones who:

1. Believe in their dreams
2. Have the courage to take action to pursue their dream.

So, do you think that dreams are unprofessional?

How S.M.A.R.T. are your goals?

What about that skill you had always wanted to learn? That diet you had started many times? That dream job you had been looking for for so long? After one or even more years, you realize you haven’t achieved any of the things you wanted, you may even have forgotten about some of them. What a pain! I can tell you, I’ve experienced that myself often enough : )

If you really want to achieve a goal, make sure your goal is a S.M.A.R.T. one. And take the time to write it down! Believe me, those 15 minutes you dedicate to it (and to yourself!) are a great investment.

So what’s a SMART goal? It is

S – Specific: What outcome do you expect to achieve? Why do you want to achieve it? For whom?

M – Measurable: Be sure to find a way to clearly measure or rate the outcome.

A – Achievable: Is your goal realistic, considering your current situation, resources and time available?

R – Relevant: Is your goal important for the achievement of your higher goals? Will it make you happier?

T – Time-bound: It must have a start and a finish date. By when do you want to achieve your goal?

IMPORTANT NOTE: Sometimes, we are not aware of the resources we have in and around us, and we put up with a “lower goal”. We can dare to dream big! A coach can help you identify those resources you are not aware of, set up a plan – and stick to it – to achieve those goals you always thought were impossible for you!

When life gives you lemons…

…make lemonade! Or grow a lemon trees plantation! Or research the healing properties of lemons! … and so on

Do you know Disney’s Donald Duck? I recall one story I read many years ago in which poor Donald Duck woke up one morning, totally angry at the alarm clock that had woken him up from his dreams. He was sooo focussed on his own irritation that every single thing he did went wrong, everything he saw was bad. The whole day turned out to be a total distaster.

For some reason, he happened to re-live that day, and once again in the morning the alarm clock pulled him out of his beautiful sleep. But he looked at the day with a smile on his face, and with hope. He even noticed the birds cheerfully singing outside. The events were the same as the “day before”, but by approaching them positively things changed and he experienced a fulfilling and successful day.

We cannot choose the events that happen in our life, but we are free to choose the way to look at them!

Changing perspective can help us change our day, our relationships, our entire life from now on!

If you’re considering an issue with your life or work right now, try asking yourself these questions:

• How would I feel if I succeeded in this thing I’m afraid doing?
• What actions can I take in order to make this situation flow?
• How could this be fun?

I wish you all a great day!

Myriam

Start from here!

Do you ever experience this as I do? Sometimes feeling overwhelmed by things you would like to change, issues you should take care of, a conflict you wish to finally resolve – and not knowing where to start?

I have recently began an incredible journey, my training at ICA, the International Coach Academy, to become a Certified Professional Coach. With enthusiasm, passion and determination. And what do I like so much about it? That I can experience what I learn on myself first! I’ve been facing a conflict I really wanted to resolve for a long time, and kept wondering how it all started, who was wrong first, what was done next, and so on. Until I realized that if I really want to solve this, I need to start from where I am now! This is the only possible place I can DO something. The rest is just thoughts.

How did I realize this? By thinking about myself as if I were a coaching client. I thought about what coaching is. Among others, coaching means helping people actively create the change they want in life, starting from the present with a vision for the future. Coaching is not counselling or therapy, dealing with past issues. Coaching helps you (and me!) move forward. Isn’t this a great opportunity we have in our own hands?